Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Corn-Fed

  


     Lets face it, embarrassing your teenager is great entertainment. It's going to happen anyway, so you may as well enjoy it. To get you started, I have compiled 5 tips that have helped me in my Teenager Mortification Career that might just assist you in mastering your new hobby:
     1.) Talk like them.
     You can do this by visiting a website with something called Memes. Simply enter Memes into your search engine. Once there you will find a wide variety of different topics to look at. Choose one, especially one that looks familiar and pull it up. Here is a sample from the recent Olympics. It is titled, "McKayla is not impressed."




     You could, as an example, insert this phrase into a conversation you may be having with your teen after school...
     Teen: "Hey Mom, I got an A on my English essay today!"
     Mom: (While making this face and folding your arms just like McKayla) "McKayla is not impressed." You could also use words from your High School years. Cool. Dope. Rad. You get the idea.Or, you could make something up and use it in place of a common word. At our house, we use the phrase "Corn-Fed." We use it in place of pretty much anything, which makes it HIGHLY annoying to our kids. For instance, "Hey, did you see that the Lakers won last night? That was CORN-FED!" Or, "I thought I asked you to take out the trash an HOUR ago! You're acting really CORN-FED right now!"
 



     2.) Dress like them:
     Watch carefully how the kids at your child's school are dressing. Saggy pants for the boys? Skinny jeans for the girls? Chalked hair? Facial piercings? Find several trends and begin following them.What I have found to work best, is a trend that my own child is doing. You could even go so far as to "Borrow" from their closet.



     3.)  Public displays of affection with them:
     Do you have special nick name for each of your family members? Pookie? Kitten? Boo-boo-Bear? Stinkie-Bottom? The worse it is, the bigger the reaction you will get. Especially in front of their peers. Another PDA would be insisting on a kiss or a hug, or patting their back. Any of these would work well.



     4.)  Public displays of affection with your spouse:
     OK this is where it gets fun. You think nicknames with the kids got a good reaction? Try using your spouses special nickname when in public. Or better yet, get a good kiss. In front of everyone. And act like you don't notice anyone else around you. You know, like when you were dating? Even an approving, "Mmm Hmmmmm." while giving your Snookims an approving once over would work.
This is some serious gross factoring here for the kids.


     5.)Dance in front of their friends:
     Again, the Internet is your friend. Look up "Popular dances," and try to perfect them. Better yet? Make up your own.Then, when their friends come over and a song comes on, you can show them your skills. The best thing to do is an old move from your day. Break dance, Disco, The Hustle, you get it right? Expect gagging noises and eye rolling.
     As you practice these five tips, I guarantee you will come up with some of your own. Feel free to let me know what you do. I could always use some fresh ideas.
     Word
     Miss Jodi