Monday, August 24, 2015

Look Ma!




      My 4 month late twice-yearly dental exam and cleaning is over!!! I am the proud owner of a cavity free set of chompers. And grateful. I actually thank God regularly for my teeth. Yes, I am serious. (Am I the only one who thinks that a single smiling tooth is a creepy way for a dentist to advertise? Why would a solitary extracted tooth be smiling? And on the subject, if you were to Google "Dentist," you would see picture after picture of smiling patients with their mouths wide open. I have NEVER seen a person happy to visit the dentist. EVER.) As I sat through my exam with my fingers digging into the arm rests, I was thinking to myself that this is such an awkward situation. You have someone you barely know in your personal space examining your teeth for starters. And where are you supposed to look? Personally, I just close my eyes and fantasize that I am in Target shopping for new, luxuriously soft, thirsty, almond colored set of hand towels. (Yep. That really is my fantasy at the moment. White is too much maintenance, grey is too trendy, almond is perfect.) Are you supposed to look them in the eye? That would be creepy. Do you look at the ceiling tiles? The wall? The light? And what about your tongue? Are you a straight up point-to-the-ceiling kinda person? Do you try to lay it flat? Do you "roof-it?" Do you put it on the opposite side of your mouth?  And what do you do when they try to make small talk with you? Do you answer them? Give hand signals? Sign language? What if they don't know sign language? Do you blink once for yes, and two for no? How do you know that for them, two blinks means yes? Should you use Morris code? Does ANYONE know Morris code? There are just too many things to figure out. I suppose I should ask a hygentist or a dentist for their opinion...But I avoid them at all cost. Remember I put off my visit for 4 months?  Admittedly, my dentist is a very nice lady, and our family has been going to her for about 10 years now. She has Netfliks for you to watch (why you would want to invest 30 minutes into a 90 minute movie is beyond me though. Is it OK for you to stay till it's done even though the exam is over?) She also has massaging exam chairs. And digital x-rays. But until she gets rid of the drill, I won't enjoy being there. Sorry Dr. Scoggins...