Saturday, November 30, 2013
Real or faux? That is the question for many a person at this time of year. But not for us. We are a faux Christmas tree kinda family. Oh, it's not that I have anything against cutting down a beautiful earth friendly, oxygen producing, air purifying live tree. I wouldn't exactly call myself a Greenie, a Mother earth type, or a "Save-the-butter-cup" freak, however, it's just seems so, Oh, I don't know...selfish? Kill a tree just so you can have the scent of pine in your house and needles on your floor? I also feel I have to mention that real increases your risk of a house fire at the same time. Um, no thanks. I'll go faux. thank you very much.
Well, today my husband bravely faced the dust and dark and all around general creepiness of the garage to go where he goes only twice a year. Both of those times involve our lovely faux Christmas tree. Once to bring it out and the other to put it back. Today as he carefully began to unpack the tree, he calmly and matter of factly proclaimed, "A rat lived here." And just as calmly and matter of factly, he also proclaimed, "And it still does." I happened to be holding a baby goat on my lap (4 babies were delivered yesterday but that's another story for another day.) and so I quickly set it down in the bathroom so I could help him. I looked over in time to see the mouse (not a rat mind you) jump up into the air. Why do they do that? Aren't they creepy enough already? Do also have to jump? (Guess what my nightmares are going to be about tonight?) I opened the front door and got our Rat Terrier Pixie to go after it. She did, but she is an old girl so she ended up chasing, not killing the beast...
After we had brought out all the pieces from the house and threw them into the trash can, we stood there looking at the empty Christmas tree box as it lay on our front lawn. It was a sad sight. Logically, I asked Jeff to go to the store and pick up another faux. I was very specific as I'm sure most women are when it comes to something they will have to look at for years to come. I actually wanted to go myself but the goats needed milking, the chickens needed feeding, and I still had dinner to make. A faux tree is a commitment. I'm sure you understand. So I said, "You can get a nice one for around $115. Make sure it looks real and is nice and full. I don't want you to bring some skinny thing up in here that I can see right through. Full and realistic. Height does not matter, fullness does. Got it?" and again, I said, "$115. full and realistic." just to make sure we were clear on what I wanted. This is not a time for creativity. Two hours later he came home with a large boxed faux tree. "Guess what I paid for it?" he asked me. "I don't know, $115.? I asked." He proudly proclaimed, "Nope, ONLY $35.!" "THIRTY FIVE DOLLARS?" I yelled? He must have thought I was giddy with excitement at his thrifty treasure. I was not. "I told you I don't want some ghetto tree! I can't believe you paid $35.!!!" He went on to explain with a look upon his face that can only be described as crushed, that the original price was $70. but because of the black Friday sale, he got it for 50% off. I then said some things I rather regret, such as how the tree had better be full and realistic or else I would return it fully assembled to the store he purchased it from, just drive up with a big old tree and walk to the customer service desk as bold as you please, Oh yes I would. He looked at me rather sadly, and then quietly began to put it together. Now, I have to admit now that is all assembled, it does look rather nice. And yes, it IS full and somewhat realistic looking, and with the lights on and the wire used to secure it in case a kitten or two should happen to climb into its aluminum branches, it looks rather cozy and Christmasey and lovely. Even if it was only $35. Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips...
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Whether you are scrambling to make dinner, or scrambling so you won't be late for dinner, I wish you a heartfelt and happy Thanksgiving day. I am thankful for each and every one of you. God bless you!
"Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands. Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing. Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name. For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
I have seen my share of tantrums and fits. And just because my youngest is at the golden and glorious age of 15 doesn't mean we are through with them either. BELIEVE me you! My head is not full of silver hair because my life as a parent has been easy. Each silver strand, I am convinced, belongs to a particular fit from a particular child...I have no scientific evidence to back this theory up, but to be honest, I don't need it.
I want to be very clear, I am not an expert on child rearing. I have no degree in early childhood development that I can frame and nail to my wall. But what I do have is just as valuable, if not more. I have experience Jack. You can read all the books on parenting that you want, but let me tell you a secret: someone, somewhere had to gain the experience before they could teach it. Someone had to school the scholars. Which brings me to Part Two of Pearls of Wisdom:
From the minute your child breathes his first breath, he will be out for number one. I am not saying that your child is self centered, arrogant, and selfish...wait, YES. Yes I am. He is all of those and more. Now that does not make your child wicked, or any worse than the next child that comes along, it just make them human. Our role as parents is to help our child become compassionate and kind and one day be a benefit to society and to man kind. Those are all things that do not come naturally.
One thing I see far too often in our society right now is the mistake of trying to be your child's friend. Let me make it clear here peeps, you cannot be your child's friend. Until that is, they are out of the house. Trying to be a friend instead of being an authoritative role as a parent sets your child up for failure. Don't do it. It's not only OK to tell your child "No," it is imperative to your child's development. I know it's hard and everything in you wants to make your child happy, but being happy isn't the most important thing in life, I don't care what Cinderella says...
Saying "No" sets boundaries, and helps your child learn to respect authority by helping them to understand that you know better than they do. Let your child have a good fit when you tell them they cannot have brownies for dinner. But here is the key: ignore the fit. When they are good and tired, tell them that you understand how frustrated they were, but that kind of behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Eating brownies for dinner is not OK for a child. For a mommy, yes. But not for Junior.
I speak for all of society when I tell you that we are sick of your bratty child getting everything they want, exactly when they want it. It sets them up for failure when they enter school, and if it continues long enough, you end up with an entitled young adult who refuses to do what their employer asks them to do and doesn't understand why they were not promoted to Vice President after working for an entire 3 weeks, which leads to your young adult living with you FOREVER, which NO sane person wants. And now that we are talking about children getting what they want, here is a tip that will make your life a heck of a lot easier: tell your children that if they see a toy on television, they cannot have it. Ever. This helped us a great deal when our kids were younger and Christmas time rolled around. Here is another tip, (I'm on a roll here folks!) don't buy your children anything until they are 5 years old. Until then, everything is a huge waste of money and really only serves your ego to give it to them. First off, they won't remember, and secondly, they will be just as happy with an empty box as they will with the toy that came in it. So what's the point in it? Don't take them to Disneyland before the age of 5 either. WASTE-OF-TIME-AND-MULAH. Sorry Mickey. It is the truth. Give your child chores and the satisfaction they get from a job well done will help build their character much better that the latest Tonka truck or Barbi doll. Well, there you have it. I'm ready to get off of my soap box. Till next time anyway...
I'll be back with part three soon,
Monday, November 11, 2013
I'm no parenting expert, but I have learned a thing or two in the past 22 years. (22? How the heck did THAT happen?) Anyway, here are a few of the precious pearls of wisdom I've gleaned along the way. First off, go ahead and think your baby has a superior palate because you feed him steamed and pureed butternut squash and organic yogurt sweetened with agave nectar. I'm here to tell you that somewhere in the second year of life, your child will develop a taste for minced, processed, chicken, breaded and deep fried, potted meat of questionable origins shaped into a tube, and a certain brand of macaroni that comes in a blue box and has a nutritional value so bad it's in the negative. That's right my friends, chicken nuggets, hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. The stuff Martha Stewart's nightmares are made of. Not only will Junior LOVE them, he will also refuse any and all healthy foods. Oh, and might I mention, become hysterical to the point of passing out if he cannot eat his favorite three? Nothing will convince your sweet child to eat a healthy bite. No trickery. No bribe. No amount of calling it "Yummy." You can call it yummy till the cows come home, Junior isn't going to hear of it. Welcome to parenthood my friends. I think this is a good time to slip in a little nugget (no, not chicken!) to help make society a bit more pleasant: between the ages of infancy and four years, unless it is a restaurant designed specifically with place mats that include a set of three crayons, or happens to have a playground (think Chuck E Cheese or McDonald's), do all of humanity a favor and keep the kid at home. Anything else is a complete waste of time. Unless you can park the car, order, sit down AND eat in exactly 3.5 seconds or less, you are wasting your money and putting yourself and those around you in a torturous situation similar to the removal of fingernails. I'll say it again just in case you didn't understand it or happen to be slow, LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME! There you go folks, part one of three.
Till next time,
Give in to the Mac and Cheese,