Thursday, June 20, 2013

Babe the beagle

   Meet Babe, our beagle. Isn't she just adorable? Just the cutest? Want her? She is yours. I'll even kick in a jumbo sized bag of Ol' Roy weight management dog food. AND the contents of my savings account. And my eternal gratitude. ETERNAL. I hate her. I really do. Unless I don't. See how she looks at you? The big brown eyes and the sweet face cocked ever so slightly to the right? She is an expert at cuteness. And at inducing guilt. Which explains how we have had her so long without a single slice from my ever present machete. Don't hate. Don't call PETA. She is treated very well. There is always fresh water, a walk around the neighborhood almost every day, snuggling time indoors each night, and plenty of food (which explains her 20+ pounds of extra weight). Beagles have a high tendency to be overweight. Something about their super-sniffers. They also have a tendency to howl. A howl in case you don't know, is very different from a bark. A howl empties the lungs. And continues. And continues. Which is why I hate her. She can also tell time. For instance, every night at 6:10pm she begins to yelp. A very loud yelp I might add. Over and over and over. Until I begin to think murderous beagle thoughts. How can I kill her? What would be the most efficient and tidiest way? An overdose of left over pain killers? A quick slice of the machete across the throat? Perhaps an "accident?" And just at the moment when I finally get up my nerve, she does something cute, like snuggling with her teddy bear. Or nuzzling up against me. Or my daughter, her "owner" walks into the room and sits down next to her...I think they are conspiring together to keep her alive. They both know my limits with her....their timing is impeccable. Coincidence? I don't think so. And so... for tonight, she will live to see tomorrow. Unless God looks down and has mercy on me. And so my wait continues. I will continue to wait for her to breathe her last breath. Because I am a wimp. And because she did that cute little head cock thing....and maybe, maybe because I kinda sorta love her.
     Waiting for her to die...
     Miss Jodi