Monday, November 11, 2013
Yummy, Pearls of Wisdom part one
I'm no parenting expert, but I have learned a thing or two in the past 22 years. (22? How the heck did THAT happen?) Anyway, here are a few of the precious pearls of wisdom I've gleaned along the way. First off, go ahead and think your baby has a superior palate because you feed him steamed and pureed butternut squash and organic yogurt sweetened with agave nectar. I'm here to tell you that somewhere in the second year of life, your child will develop a taste for minced, processed, chicken, breaded and deep fried, potted meat of questionable origins shaped into a tube, and a certain brand of macaroni that comes in a blue box and has a nutritional value so bad it's in the negative. That's right my friends, chicken nuggets, hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. The stuff Martha Stewart's nightmares are made of. Not only will Junior LOVE them, he will also refuse any and all healthy foods. Oh, and might I mention, become hysterical to the point of passing out if he cannot eat his favorite three? Nothing will convince your sweet child to eat a healthy bite. No trickery. No bribe. No amount of calling it "Yummy." You can call it yummy till the cows come home, Junior isn't going to hear of it. Welcome to parenthood my friends. I think this is a good time to slip in a little nugget (no, not chicken!) to help make society a bit more pleasant: between the ages of infancy and four years, unless it is a restaurant designed specifically with place mats that include a set of three crayons, or happens to have a playground (think Chuck E Cheese or McDonald's), do all of humanity a favor and keep the kid at home. Anything else is a complete waste of time. Unless you can park the car, order, sit down AND eat in exactly 3.5 seconds or less, you are wasting your money and putting yourself and those around you in a torturous situation similar to the removal of fingernails. I'll say it again just in case you didn't understand it or happen to be slow, LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME! There you go folks, part one of three.
Till next time,
Give in to the Mac and Cheese,