Wednesday, February 5, 2014
The spirit of peace and harmony
Have you ever had the "pleasure" of a neighbor with a dog that barks....ALL THE TIME? The Bible clearly tells us that we are to love our neighbor. But, it doesn't say anything about loving your neighbors dog....It also tells us we need to do all we can to live in peace with those around us. So, in the spirit of harmony, and neighborly love, I would like to share with you some tried and true methods of drugging your neighbors dog. Let me start by saying that I was the owner of a beagle for many years. Beagles are hunters, they need a job. That job is to alert their owner of any and all threats, including, but not limited to: people walking in your neighborhood, people walking anywhere in a 3 mile proximity of your neighborhood, stray dogs, stray cats, stray squirrels, a change in the wind, a neighbor taking out the trash, a leaf falling to the ground, and so forth. Believe me you, I KNOW about barking dogs. We took every possible precaution to keep her calm and quiet. We even went so far as to try a shock collar. It didn't work. NOTHING worked. Until my friend suggested a muzzle. These days they are soft, not like the wire and leather ones from "Lady and the Tramp" days. So, if you have a barking dog, be respectful of your neighbors and buy a muzzle for it (the dog, not the neighbor). If you happen to have a neighbor who has a barking dog, follow these easy directions for a tried and true solution. First, don't bother going to your neighbor to talk to them. Either they know their dog barks and they just don't know what to do, or they don't care. It's kind of like the parents of screaming toddlers in a restaurant, they have developed a tolerance to the noise. It doesn't bother them or they would do something about it. Another reason NOT to talk to your neighbor, is that if you follow my directions, and they come home to find Rover in a very deep slumber, they might remember that conversation you had when you asked them to keep their dog quiet. It would make them HIGHLY suspicious of you. Believe me, you don't want to go there. Especially if you have gangstas for neighbors. Now, go to the drug store and buy some Melatonin at least 10 mg and some Benadryl. If the neighbors dog is a very large breed, such as a Great Dane or a Saint Bernard, look through your medicine cabinet for some old Tylenol 3 or other narcotic that you may have lying around from surgery or that root canal you had (I have heard that both Melatonin and Benadryl are safe for dogs. I don't know about the narcotics though...). After you have your drugs, get a piece of cheese and cut a slice into it so that you can stick the pills into the slice and then spread some peanut butter over it. Now, take your little doggy treat, and chuck it over your neighbors fence. You really should make sure no one is home first, and that no one can see you doing this. You might even want to go into your backyard and pretend to do some somersaults while you nonchalantly toss the cheese treat over the fence...just to keep from looking suspicious. Go back in the house, pour yourself a glass of iced tea, kick you feet up onto the coffee table, and relax. In approximately 15 to 30 minutes you will enjoy silence. Peace. Calm. The dog in the meantime, will have a nice little nap. It's a win win situation if you ask me. Not that you did.
Till next time,
It's a beautiful-bark-free-day-in-the-neighborhood,