like a museum

Captain Phillips versus Captain Morgan

     I was hoping it was a trend that would quickly pass. The shakey camera perspective. Or as I like to call it, Puke cam. The filming of video for a movie or a television show with the sole purpose of making it seem move realistic. Let me tell you something, filming with out a tripod for "Realities sake" fools NO one! It does not make us think someone was magically there at the moment Tom Hanks was pretending to be Captain Phillips. It only makes me think you were friends with Captain Morgan at the time you were filming... Guess what folks out there in Cinema land? I don't want realism. If I wanted reality, I wouldn't pay the 16 year old attendant at the Movie theater almost $10. for a ticket so I could eat stale, artificially flavored pop corn, contraband licorice sticks and JuJu Bee's, while sitting in a dark room with a bunch of strangers who may or may not have showered that day. The Oscars would not happen if the general public wanted reality. Give me a film that was well documented with the help of a tripod. There is a reason that movie theaters don't have vomit bags tucked into the chairs. We shouldn't need them...

     Till next time,
     Use a tripod foe Goodness sake!
     Miss Jodi

Normal

Throwback Thursday

     "The more things change, the more they stay the same."
Just leanin'
Miss Jodi

The spirit of peace and harmony

         Have you ever had the "pleasure" of  a neighbor with a dog that barks....ALL THE TIME? The Bible clearly tells us that we are to love our neighbor. But, it doesn't say anything about loving your neighbors dog....It also tells us we need to do all we can to live in peace with those around us. So, in the spirit of harmony, and neighborly love, I would like to share with you some tried and true methods of drugging your neighbors dog. Let me start by saying that I was the owner of a beagle for many years. Beagles are hunters, they need a job. That job is to alert their owner of any and all threats, including, but not limited to: people walking in your neighborhood, people walking anywhere in a 3 mile proximity of your neighborhood, stray dogs, stray cats, stray squirrels, a change in the wind, a neighbor taking out the trash, a leaf falling to the ground, and so forth. Believe me you, I KNOW about barking dogs. We took every possible precaution to keep her calm and quiet. We even went so far as to try a shock collar. It didn't work. NOTHING worked. Until my friend suggested a muzzle. These days  they are soft, not like the wire and leather ones from "Lady and the Tramp" days. So, if you have a barking dog, be respectful of your neighbors and buy a muzzle for it (the dog, not the neighbor). If you happen to have a neighbor who has a barking dog, follow these easy directions for a tried and true solution. First, don't bother going to your neighbor to talk to them. Either they know their dog barks and they just don't know what to do, or they don't care. It's kind of like the parents of screaming toddlers in a restaurant, they have developed a tolerance to the noise. It doesn't bother them or they would do something about it. Another reason NOT to talk to your neighbor, is that if you follow my directions, and they come home to find Rover in a very deep slumber, they might remember that conversation you had when you asked them to keep their dog quiet. It would make them HIGHLY suspicious of you. Believe me, you don't want to go there. Especially if you have gangstas for neighbors. Now, go to the drug store and buy some Melatonin at least 10 mg and some Benadryl. If the neighbors dog is a very large breed, such as a Great Dane or a Saint Bernard, look through your medicine cabinet for some old Tylenol 3 or other narcotic that you may have lying around from surgery or that root canal you had (I have heard that both Melatonin and Benadryl are safe for dogs. I don't know about the narcotics though...). After you have your drugs, get a piece of cheese and cut a slice into it so that you can stick the pills into the slice and then spread some peanut butter over it. Now, take your little doggy treat, and chuck it over your neighbors fence. You really should make sure no one is home first, and that no one can see you doing this. You might even want to go into your backyard and pretend to do some somersaults while you nonchalantly toss the cheese treat over the fence...just to keep from looking suspicious. Go back in the house, pour yourself a glass of iced tea, kick you feet up onto the coffee table, and relax. In approximately 15 to 30 minutes you will enjoy silence. Peace. Calm. The dog in the meantime, will have a nice little nap. It's a win win situation if you ask me. Not that you did.
Till next time,
It's a beautiful-bark-free-day-in-the-neighborhood,
Miss Jodi

Cuts and scrapes

     I think, I just may be a magnet for interesting people and situations. How else can you explain such strange things happening to me so often? Last week I took my daughter to the Doctor. An ordinary day, doing ordinary things. Right? Well, to start with, at the surprisingly short line to check in, a woman came up behind us with the energy level of an espresso addict. She asked us what was in our cups, and after telling her, she went on and on about how she would like to try them, and told us how she was sensitive to caffeine and for that reason she had iced tea each morning. As she said this she swirled around her drink so we could hear the ice cubes clinking together and hitting the walls of the cup. She was so interested in what we were drinking, that I almost handed her my cup. She was a sweet heart, very kind and very, very chatty and I am thankful to her because her company made the time in line even shorter. After our appointment we waited for the elevator and an adorable elderly lady walked up. She had a golfers cap and a coordinating outfit. She asked us which elevator we were waiting for and we told her we were waiting for the one going down. She happened to be waiting for the same one. So we waited together. It was about that time that I noticed she was holding something bright yellow in a bag. I didn't think much of it until we reached the lower floor and she asked directions to the pharmacy. I told her we were headed there and would be happy to take her there with us. She seemed happy and continued to follow us with her yellow-something-in-hand. When we reached the pharmacy I told her to stand here in this line and that she could go ahead of us. When she got to the drop off counter she placed her bottle of yellow on the counter and asked the technician if he knew what it was. He answered, "Betadine." "How do you know?!!" She angrily asked him. "Well, he answered, "I work in a pharmacy..."She seemed curious, but satisfied with that explanation and asked him, "What is it used for?" He answered, "Wounds." "Rooms?" She asked him. "No, not rooms, WOUNDS." "My WOMB?" She yelled, clearly shocked. "NO! WOUNDS! Cuts and scratches!" He yelled back, at this point nervously. "CUTS and SCRATCHES?" She asked. "Yes, YES! Cuts and scratches!" He yelled back. She left the counter and we approached. The technician was at this point spraying the counter with cleaner and wiping it down. Distractedly, he mentioned that her bag was leaking. We asked him why she had the bag and he said he had no idea and began to run his fingers through his hair. After giving our prescription to be filled, we turned around and looked for her, hoping to sit next to her while we waited but she was gone. Wherever she went, she took off quickly and we never saw her, or her bottle of Betadine again...But at least we know what to put on our cuts and scrapes now.

and this...