I wear your Grandads clothes

 

     Goodwill. Salvation Army. The volunteer senior citizen thrift store down the way. I love them all. The thrill of the hunt. You never know when you will find a treasure, or simply a pair of moccasins somebody else has been walk in'. I think the strangest thing I have ever seen was a stuffed bullfrog mounted on a platter with a tiny fiddle strategically place in his hands. No wait, it was the armadillo purse! No, it was definitely the cat-nativity set complete with a kitten-baby Jesus. If you need to furnish your first apartment or are looking for a costume for a party, or anything in between, thrift stores are the way to go and the place to be.
     I do have a question though. If someone donated a wedding dress, where do you get off charging $100. for it? I understand you are running a business, but $100. for a used wedding dress? Really? And used shoes for $10. PLUS? Dude. This is not a department store full of brand new clothes in the latest colors and fashions. THIS is a THRIFT STORE full of your Grandads clothes. I give you things, (GIVE THEM FREELY I might add!) so that you can make a little money and the people in our community who may need theses things, or who may have a hoarding problem can benefit. Win-win situation right? So don't be greedy. Have reasonable prices. I'm not asking too much here. Just looking for a bargain Son.
     In the near future, if you don't change your ways Mr. Thrift Shop, I might just have to stop all of my donations to you. Of course then I don't know what I would do with all that crap that I don't want anymore...what else would I do with it now that I think about it? All that stuff I couldn't sell at a yard sale, but feel too guilty throwing away so I have to drive up to the donation center in the dead of night with my car lights and engine turned off ever so carefully to avoid the security camera all so that your donation attendants cannot refuse? Well, OK now that I'm thinking about it, that may be an empty threat after all. But seriously, LOWER your prices!
     Till next time,
     I'm gonna pop some tags,
     Miss Jodi
    
    
    
    

must love oats

   


     Our two young goats are maturing and now ready to...um, well, to mate. Our intention for these girls was always to get milk. So now that they are older, I need to find someone who has a male goat for them to "date." Having never done this, and knowing no one who happens to  own a male goat puts me in a strange predicament. I decided to start my search where we purchased our two sister goats, the feed store. Unfortunately, the man who runs the feed store speaks Spanish. I do not.
     This is the conversation we had:
     Me:   "I need a stud for my goats. Do you have one?"
     Him: "What?"
     Me:   "A date. For my goats."
     Him: "No. My friend has the goat." He hands me a phone # with the name Jimi written next to it.
     I don't remember much from Spanish class, but decide to ask my friends via FB if I would be relaying the message of needing a stud for my female goats and inquiring the price if I asked," Me nessisito tu hermano chupa cabra, quanto denero por favor?" I am sooooooo glad I did. Turns out, my Spanish isn't exactly bueno. The translation for this would be something along the lines of, "Your brother is a cryptic zoological creature." Thank you for the BIG TIME save FB friends....
     Luckily, Jimi speaks a little English. The conversation went very well, and he is going to call me when he secures a date for my goats. I am not sure how that will work. Do they date first? Is it like a social mixer? Do they make small talk?  "Hi, I'm Clover and I like oats." I don't know. But I'll find out. And I'll keep you posted. Any if you happen to hear of any single male goats, please let me know.
     Till next time,
     Goat match maker Miss Jodi
     OK I have an update for you, we found a male goat to "Date" our 2 lady goats. I have some scented candles, the lights  have been lowered and Barry White is on the play list...I'll keep you posted. Let's hope this guy likes to, um...party....

      Update: Love is in the air.

     I should have know which way the day was directed...As I was getting ready to leave for church this morning I heard an unusual noise. It was Mr. Frederick the goat who as you may recall was visiting with our lady goats in hopes of, um...making some baby goats. I saw him munching on a leaf and upon further inspection I saw that he had jumped the 4 foot fence and was now out of the barnyard and next to our house. There wasn't much I could do (OK there was but I was already dressed and not willing to go out and wrangle a goat in my Sunday best) so I went of to church. When we got home we looked through the gate and did not see Frederick, but we heard him. Unfortunately he was in our neighbors back yard. He hopped a second fence and into out tweaker neighbors yard. Why? I have no idea...unless he is fond of smoking weed...Can you imagine waking up to the sound of a 5 foot (on all fours) tall goat bleeting and looking through your window at you? Not something that happens every day... Our Tweaker neighbor graciously offered to bring him back, but Mr. Frederick apparently was not finished visiting and would not cooperate. At all. So Jeff had to go over and convince him that visiting hours were indeed over. He finally managed to leash him and walk around the house to our back gate with the goat and all the while I was praying that he would not break free and run into the desert. We brought him back to the barn yard and decided to kennel him so he wouldn't start jumping into our neighbors yard again, but just yesterday evening had put all forty of our month old chicks into the kennel. So we had to round up all of those baby chicks (which may I point out is NOT an easy thing to do? They think their life is ending and naturally try to escape) and put them into a cage. Baby chicks were squaking, baby chicks were wiggling, one baby chick began projectile vomiting....it was not pretty. Let me just add right here that if you have not already figured it out, farming is NOT for the faint of heart. Not in the least. How does this story end? Well, I called the man who loaned us the goat and have not been able to get ahold of him yet...I'll keep you posted.

The secret to folding fitted sheets, because I love you

     I am not Martha Stewart. Never claimed to be either. I am not Mommy Dearest who will beat you if you use a wire hanger, and I am also NOT a hoarder. I am somewhere in between. Not a Domestic Goddess by any means. I do  however have a certain standard that makes me comfortable. I don't like clothes on the floor or dirty dishes in the sink. My bed is made unless I am in it. I like a certain sense of order.
     I have been either helping my mother keep her home tidy, or since I married and moved out, my own home for the most part of my 43 years here on earth. I never claim to be an expert, or keep my home as spotless as my friend Eunice does her house. That being said, I have just recently learned the secret of folding a fitted sheet (which I will share with you in a moment).
     Ask anyone who does laundry on a regular basis and they will either tell you some complicated version of how they do it, or they will laughingly confess to the "Crumpled-ball-stuffed-into-the-linen-closet-method." Go online and you will find three hundred and forty nine million videos. I recently had a thread on my FB page about the best methods. The most amusing and common sense suggestion was to simply wash it and put it right back on your bed....genius!
     So after more tries than I want to admit to, a frustrated bout of crying or two, and a possible curse shouted out to the makers of fitted sheets, (don't hate, I'm just being honest here!) this is the best way I have found. After your clean sheet comes out of the dryer or off the line, shake it out, fold in half, and tuck the corners into each other. Here is the secret, are you listening? Come closer....Do this on a flat surface such as the floor or you bed or a large table. I am serious. THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Go try it! Right now! If someone is sleeping, push them off and strip the bed.
     For those of you who need a visual, here ya go:

     You are welcome to now include me I your will,
     Miss Jodi

so true

A night in the life of me

 

 

 

 

 

     Have you ever wondered if  there is some strange force at work that causes strange things to happen just when you are expecting company? In the course of this evening, My son invited another student from his psychology class to come and do research and work on an upcoming class project. This just happened to be the night when two of our handsome young teenage ducks decided to duke it out and have a WWWF Duck smack down. So, that being the last straw, or shall I say feather, we decided to do a covert duck drop at a nearby undisclosed location to remedy the backyard chaos.

     First step? Duck catching. Not easy my friends, not AT ALL! Second step, placing said ducks into a pet carrier. Third step, driving to said undisclosed location in stealth mode and doing a duck drop off. Fourth step? Peeling out. Then after coming home, cleaning pet carrier and myself from the contents of the two ducks back ends. All the while college students are sitting in my living room.  As I try to breezily come in, hair disheveled, shirt covered in feathers and, um, other stuff, I do my best to politely say hello, as if I always look like this. Things are finally calming down and a certain psycho cat decides to cough up a hair ball the size of a large pot roast. My son did his best to try to casually round up the cat and clean up the cat puke while carrying on a topical discussion with the other college student and pretending this is normal.

     Of course, we cannot forget that the Beagle who can tell time and wants in EVERY evening at seven PM on the dot and without fail, and has decided to begin barking every 16 seconds.......By the way, have you ever heard a hound dog bark? And you know that you can give a dog Melatonin and Benadryl and it's perfectly safe? Yep, just ask Babe our Beagle who coincidentally  happens to be asleep at my feet right this very minute peacefully dreaming of whatever it is doggies dream of.  If you could remember me in your prayers tonight, I would greatly appreciate it.

     Till next time, 

     I'll be planning a duck BBQ and you are invited!

     Professional dog sedater, and duck relocator

     Miss Jodi

Meatballs

     I find it strange that in a "Civilized Nation" such as ours, we form raw meat into little balls. Whose idea was this? Were all the other meat shapes taken? What about a hexagon? Or a square? Or maybe a cone? If we are going for creativity, why not a goose? Or a kitten? Or how about a pyramid? We obviously don't do it out of convenience, if we did we would press the meat down onto a cooking sheet and cut it into squares. As it is, we mix it up with herbs and spices and roll it between our hands into little balls. How disturbing is that?
     Last time I played that much with something was in kindergarten with play-doh. Meat is NOT play-doh people! I shouldn't have to explain this to you!!! Meat is from a dead animal. I don't want to handle it and more than I absolutely have to, thank you very much! So y'all can fondle the hamburger meat all you want. You and my butcher who strangely finds it entertaining to shape ground beef into pig heads and put tomato eyes on it. Meat is not an Art medium. I will refrain and  remain dignified.
     Meat is food, NOT art!!!!
     Miss Jodi